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Saturday, 29 November 2008

Oldhamisms

The following are all excerpts from Roy Oldham's State of the Area Address which we covered in a live blog a couple of weeks back. I don't know what it is, but something happens to Roy Oldham's words when they're transcribed - or is it just when they come out of his mouth in the first place?

Oldham is to Tameside MBC what John Prescott was to the Houses of Parliament. There was a rumour that applicants for Hansard transcribing jobs used to face a test which entailed listening to a Prescott speech and then writing down what they thought he was trying to say. In Roy Oldham's case it would surely be much, much harder. If you don't believe us read on, and then leave a comment with your interpretations:

1/ Turmoil usually comes from change and you can see many Councils around the country - they don’t know what they are but they call themselves ‘hung’ Councils and it’s not a bad word ‘hung’ because the only thing that’s ‘hung’ pretty out of dynamism it ain’t going to move a lot if it’s hung, and that’s what happens to Councils of that nature. We’re not.

2/ Many pension funds in the private world have ceased to pay a final settlement and you might relieve your task as a pensioner somewhere when the market is at bottom in stocks and shares you will be in serious trouble with what your take home pay will be having retired after many years of quality service in most cases - not so in Greater Manchester Pension Fund or in the other Council funds but in this one in particular.

3/ We have, all of us who sit politically in this chamber and are Members, support the bid and that’s thanks to ex-Councillor Meredith I didn’t think he’d get whipped for it but I’m sure the sting has gone out of that now that due to him asking for a recorded vote we have everybody’s name logged in as a supporter of the TIF Bid and that’s what happened.

4/ There is always something creeps up at you in this case when you say another burglary has suddenly come out of the woodwork again, maybe some people have come out of prison and that’s what sometimes happens and hopefully they’ll be back there and our figures will fall again in that level.

5/ Wounding is down by twenty-seven percent and there’s a reduction in youth causing annoyance. That won’t be a level and buttered playing field, there will be areas where it doesn’t go down or indeed rises but that’s looking at an averaging.

6/ Every time somebody sticks one on to say how marvellous Judy is because she’s twenty-one or fifty-one or something they’re costing Judy some money because otherwise the lighting column will corrode.

7/ It will produce a better understanding that the waste products instead of it having to be dumped in a hole in the ground which are getting short in number and are in somebody else’s back yard.

8/ In terms of attractive streets what more than In Bloom can do for you.

9/ It wasn’t floral things like those baskets and planters and they want to get involved themselves and that’s what was happening to Dukinfield one and their enthusiasm I hope will spill off into other areas.

10/ ...this is dynamic and for everybody who will see it they’re going to be extremely pleased with what we’ve done and the more we do this then the more I believe that people begin to understand that you’re in a good place and you don’t break things, you act responsible and you behave yourself and if you let everything slide then I think things go the other way then, if everywhere is just a tip what the hell they just treat it as a tip.

11/ Customer Services, Procurement, Human Resources, Adult Services, all of these play massive parts in our lives, Trading Standards, these are like the forerunners to you becoming ill.

12/ We’re going to look at how we can help our retail shopping and it won’t necessarily be on car parking because the problem with that is if you have no more payment for a certain period of time you’ve got to control it by people which costs you money and they’ve got to check if you’ve been there an hour or two so that you only enjoy that free period of time.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

No mistaking it, its the knackers yard for Oldham,he`s gone off to where the fairies are.

Anonymous said...

#1 was he trying to say he is well hung?

Tom Hagen said...

I thought the hung council one was hilarious.

"Turmoil usually comes from change"

I presume he didn't back Obama then.

doris said...

oh it is a nice picture of roy he looks so well and young should use that as his official happy one for the press and all the rest for the serious pics

Anonymous said...

Oldhamisms are like Bushisms, except Oldhamisms aren't in the least bit amusing.